Monday, June 25, 2012

The Deserving Man

I was doing research for a project I'm handling at work. I was googling Filipino male models and for some odd reason, I came upon this article entitled "Filipino Men do not Deserve Filipinas."
With a catchy title like that, who can help but click? Reading through it, I believe the article raises interesting yet not-so-new points. It's pretty much summarized in this paragraph (I numbered the parts I want to discuss):
(1) One definition among many that comprise the holistic definition of a man is to be a provider. (2) Sadly, for guys who want to take comfort in the concept of female economic equality with men; this is really an excuse of abdicating their roles as providers. (3) It’s a wake-up call to Filipino men; the fact that many women from all class levels, would consider it a more viable option to hook up with foreign men and migrate to other countries, as opposed to marrying a local Filipino who couldn’t or wouldn’t step up to his role as a man and provide for her. (4) That should be a wake-up call to Pinoys, that they haven’t been handling the business by preparing themselves to be a good provider; or if they’re at the right age, to BE a good provider. They should have the right values and character to be a viable employee, and a producer of value regardless of what they do.
Well, my step-by-step take on this:
  1. Man as provider: The article speaks of a "holistic" definition yet reverts to the centuries old stereotype that men should be provider. Doesn't do much to uplift the image of mail order brides or Filipinas married to foreign men, because this really just says the woman likes the old ways better, when she could just be a housewife taking care of kids since the man provides the money anyway.
  2. Concept of female economic equality with men: This is an assumption. I really don't think men bum out because they think "men and women are equal now." Equal or not, a person who is lazy is, well, lazy by choice. He could be lazy because Mom gave him everything and now believes life owes him the same kindness. He could also be lazy because Mom gave him NOTHING, and now that he can get something without working for it, he'll take advantage of the situation. There's really no one way to look at this.
  3. women from all class levels, would consider it a more viable option to hook up with foreign men: AHK! Seriously -_- This part totally cries "Gold digger!"
  4. Becoming a good provider: Preparations for such a role apply to men AND women. Being a provider shouldn't just be seen as an end product, as "providing for the family." Sure, I see lots of single mothers out there, the fathers nowhere to be found. But these women got pregnant because of a choice they also made. These women chose to "provide" life, and thus owe it to their children to provide love and basic life necessities. You can't just blame your supposed hardships on a man who turns out to be a good-for-nothing. But that's beside the point. I see nothing wrong in finding a partner who can provide. But the woman must make sure she can take care of things even in the absence of a (mature) partner.
So, what I really think is that thinking of who-deserves-who is a myopic way of viewing things. A better way to do things would be to look at the "how"--How can I deserve her? How can I deserve him? Life is a lot of work, and it requires time and effort from all of us. It requires that we learn and grow, that we tend to the life given us, as well as the life or lives that we in turn make when we come of age.
Post a Comment