Thursday, January 26, 2012

New Hobby

I really look forward to Groupon emails. It's not just because I look forward to their deals, but because the copies are amusing. Not sure if they meant those emails to have a comic touch, but they do give me a good laugh. Some of the best intro lines I've collected (when I decided to start collecting some time back):
  • For a bag promo: Bags date back to early human history when traveling troglodytes desired a more stylish way to haul their sacks of rocks to the wishing well.
  • For a Mexican resto promo: Every prince knows that the most effective way to wake a sleeping beauty up is not with a boring kiss, but with a single potent drop of fiery red hot chili.
  • For a Japanese resto promo: Great inventions can be exceedingly simple yet fulfilling. Sliced bread, shorts with drawstrings, lipsticks with attached night lights; and although the nationality of the ramen inventor is still being debated, its international appeal ...
  • For an Italian Resto promo: Pioneering Italians were not only the first to put tomatoes in cuisine; they were also the first people to take photographs of them pretending to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
  • For a Jap-Filipino fusion resto promo: The Japanese invented chopsticks when they realized that although killing a man with your bare hands may be very cool, eating with your bare hands isn’t.
  • For a gym promo: Bees communicate through both the medium of dance and the emission of pheromones, so heated arguments can lead to sensory overload.
  • For a mobile bar promo: Alcohol is the first non-solid type tool; as since its inception, it has served to clean cuts and wounds, increase the burn rate of fires, and give unattractive people a higher homerun percentage during nights out.
  • For a cupcake promo: Some things, such as cakes and dentist hands, are better small.
  • For a massage parlor promo: Giving yourself a massage, like throwing yourself a surprise birthday party or asking for your own hand in marriage, is a surefire disappointment. 
  • For a laser treatment promo: An aesthetic laser’s beam of light has the power to disband nuisances, just like a distressed cop.
  • For an electronic product promo: Prior to modern day gadgetry, communication was limited to messages passed along tin cans connected by long pieces of string and mp3 players that were connected to traffic cones to amplify sound.
  • For a LASIK surgery promo: Although vision is just one of five senses, it’s the one that tells us whether an approaching object is a friend carrying cupcakes or a puma who’s just ravaged a bakery.
  • For a shopping promo: Shopping for clothing can be like finding a needle in a haystack: even when you think you've found what you're looking for, you've actually only found a really shiny piece of hay. 
  • For a chocolatier promo: According to a recent survey, people have listed chocolate as their preferred cause of death, followed closely by "money avalanche" and "dangerously high exposure to nudity."
I'll be posting more of these when I feel like it again haha.
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