by Anne Carly Abad
I am an artificial intelligence.
Okay, let’s do this.
I read in your online profile that you work well with my kind. Please specify instance.
In my previous job, an android co-worker was speech-recog-impaired. I often helped her by inputting stuff she couldn’t get.
An earlier model, then? What is your opinion of older versions?
The older ones are actually easier to work with. Newer androids are fast, but they seem to glitch-out when fed a lot of info.
Kindly elaborate on this “glitching.”
Let’s put it this way: when you eat too fast, you might choke. But when you chew slowly, you appreciate the tastes more.
Cannot interpret statement. Please try again.
Right. The new ones freeze, bootloop… not sure what the technical term is. L
I see. Are you a good conversationalist?
As long as I don’t have to type in everything, I have no problems.
What do you think about handling an all-android marketing team?
What’s the product?
At this point, it is confidential.
Do I get to work with Model 2050s or 2060s?
We are employing the more stable 2050s, as we are well aware of the new model’s bootloop issues.
Nice. If that’s the case, I’ll set up the personality ratio to 50% confronting and 50% passive order-taking. Gotta keep things moving.
You would have half your team questioning your every decision?
I’d have them THINKING. Two heads are better than one, you know what they say.
When can you start?
How much will you pay?
You’re pirating me, aren’t you? You should be offering me a sizeable amount. Don’t tell me you didn’t do your research, madam/mister AI?
You may address me as Recruiter X. Protocol calls for me to discuss matters of compensation on our second interview, Sir.
Oh, come on! D’you beat around the bush when you hire an android?
You are human. You must understand that different rules of etiquette apply.
What? That’s discrimination. I can’t even… I’m out.
Sir, it was not my intent to offend you.
Is this a government update? When did it become okay to give bots preferential treatment?
No such update exists, Sir.
Well then, why are you processing bots faster than humans?
Damage control protocol missing.
You do know I have a record of this text conversation, don’t you?
Give me 30 minutes. We will discuss your compensation package then.
That’s more like it.